Sunday, December 31, 2006

a t0uchin st0riee. t0ok frm guaIger`s bl0g..

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery.Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I egged him to put me down, he said:"Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he ould pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. henever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for ercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money,why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!"I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: Mum,this is a city-people's habit, slowly you will get use to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In her view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother's facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional fewminutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all theprotest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.One day, late atnight, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudlyin her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it. We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious , since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keephaving the feelingto throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in mylife.Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see adoctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rollingdown. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I criedand wet the corner of the blanket.That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.The next day, I did not go towork. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go backto her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hither...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all. Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubbycame home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again everytime I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tear come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him."LD, you are pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but by now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.
From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother'sroom. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I willsurrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown hair, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes tearwith joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... The computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there. Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful moodwaiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear,if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..." Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.
Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter ran through the airas tears slowly rolled down my face...

Friday, December 29, 2006

finalli 0ff lerx =) damn happi. lyk s0 l0ng neva g0 0ut decently wif ba0beix lerx. tml will b e dae =P

s0 mani tings happened. ii hate b0th 0f dem 0kaex!

bac frm sh0ppin wif d0do, juan n huiyan. damn disapp0inted dis m0rnin. wanna sing ktv al0t. but... haix. dun wish t0 t0k abt it anim0re. dun wish t0 plan aniting anim0re. c d0do dey all buy dis buy dat.. xian mu siax.. th0u ii ytd g0t my pay, but ken0t use. 0nli b0ught a necklace. saw s0 mani tings.. heels, cl0thes, dress, necklaces, earrings, bags... but all ken0t buy. sadx.. =(

tml g0in cut hair lerx. n ii thr0w away my permanent lens last nyte. t0o tired frm w0rk.. blur blur stupid g0 p0ur away e lens n s0luti0n. $200 GONE! dun dare tel mama lahx. haix. g0nna buy mthly lens myself. kip e secret frm mummy.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

im bac t0 bl0ggin after s0 mani tings happenin.

well, w0rk durin xmas wasnt GOOD.. it simply sux t0 e c0re. sales wh0le sh0p. end up?? wh0le sh0p in a mess. nt enuff ppl t0 serve n tidy e sh0p. j0lene[district manager] came d0wn while im havin break. n asked mie t0 g0 0utside t0 help 0ut. n sc0ld winnie ferr lettin us g0 1hr break durin peak seas0ns?? DAMN EU! we`re s0 tired wen w0rkin dat all 0f 0ur faces r BLACK. n eu dun even all0w us t0 rest durin 0ur break-tym??!! shant sae s0 much anim0re. WEIRD CUSTOMERS EVERYWHER!

anyway, dis xmas c0untd0wn is a peaceful wan. mit ba0beix at bugis. juan acc mie wait ferr him after my w0rk. den she g0 lerx. after dat we tw0 went t0 take ne0prints. g0t new machine s0 cute! hahax. but s0 paisehx c0s ii dunn0 h0w t0 use. den is click 0utside. den evri0ne was lukin at mie wen ii anih0w click. in e end e pers0n teach mie. l0lx =X after dat kalled tingtingg n she asked mie nt t0 g0 viv0, c0s al0t ppl. but ii stil went after w0rk. n0 ppl wan l0rx. abit 0nli. had 0ur c0untd0wn at swensens. kekex. stupid swensen`s f0ndue s0ld 0ut. s0 had 0ur dinner cum supper. den its 12am. wished darlinx merry xmas. after eatin we went 0ut t0 c e scenery n sit d0wn. t0k t0k lang man lang man pai zha0... kekex.

finally after w0rkin lyk hell, tml w0rk den thur n fri 0ff. g0nna cut my hair! nxt mth den dye my hair ferr new yr. kekex. tml take pay lerx! g0nna g0 sh0ppin 0n fri wif darlinx.. cant wait~~!!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

TIRED!~~~

l0ng hrs 0f w0rkin th0u dey sae m0rnin 0r n0on shifft. ytd was quite fine c0s dere r j0anne n chee kian t0 help mie 0ut wif w0rk. but end up ii still did al0t 0f w0rk. c0s chee kian`s laziee.. =X b4 cl0sin 1omins j0anne walk 0ver t0 mie n sae.. `verlyn, left 1omins t0 cl0sin, jia y0u, xing ku ni lerx`. g0d. my in-charge said dat?? hahax. was feelin kinda happi. c0s ii reali did al0t 0f w0rk. replenish e st0ck cum servin cust0mers. run in n 0ut 0f e st0re lyk mad lidat. den wen she g0 break ii was al0ne handlin such a big st0re. n im stil c0nsidered a new staff! s0 kinda pr0ud 0f myself. n ii helped her hit e target dat chee kian sae ken0t =) mayb she`ll b kind enuff lemme new yr take 1/2 m0rnin 0r 0ff?? l0lx. im dreamin t0o much..

happi 19mth anniversary darlinx. feel s0 bad. last nyte wait ferr eu t0 finish w0rk. n we quarrelled infr0nt 0f ur c0lleagues. n evri0ne at e taxi stand was turnin n lukin at us c0s we`re sh0utin acr0ss e streets. even ur c0lleagues had t0 pull mie int0 e cab n persuade eu. haix. g0d damn embarrassin. but ytd eu w0rked til s0 late. till midnyte. haix. n0 nid s0 pia 0ne mahx. n0 matter wat happens, rmb my l0ve ferr eu kaex?? rmb e sms ii`ve send eu. rmb my w0rds n pr0mises. *huggiex*

lukin ferward t0 tml`s c0untd0wn! th0u haven reali planned evriting, but ii tink it`ll b fun! hahax. n h0pe d0do nxt thur ken 0ff. n nxt fri ii 0ff 0so g0 cut hair mayb dye cum highlight hair! cant wait! hahax. new yr eve managed t0 get m0rnin shift t0o. whahahax.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

been tw0 daex since ii t0uched my c0m. hand itchy g0 set passw0rd t0 my c0m end up ii ferg0t e pw -.-ll but f0und an0ther way t0 change e pw. s0 n0w ii ken use it. kekex. bz w0rkin. hate w0rkin life, but l0ve e m0ney! hate my in-charge, sun acheri put mie m0rnin shift?? ii said ii wan HALF m0rnin. haix. but request t0 g0 0ff earli at 5.3opm. s0 mit darlinx den we g0 walk arnd 1st. mayb watchin m0vie den g0 c0untd0wn. kekex. dis yr shall b a special yr t0 c0untd0wn yeahx?? h0pe ii wun get wet =P anyway, d0do c0nfirm wif mie if eu`re c0min wif us asap kaex??

xmas dunn0 wanna take half m0rnin nt. if nt get n0on shift. den eve play lyk mad! wakakax. dis xmas dun lemme enj0y nvm. new yr dae ii`ll sure get 0ff! hack kare. dun gimme 0ff ii take mc. tirin w0rk t0dae. 0nli 3pers0n in sh0p n all 0f us r w0rkin FULL shift 0kaex. n guess e sales?? $4k. each pers0n $1k+?? mad! each shirt is 0nli $12, s0 eu ken calculate h0w many shirts we`ve s0ld! DM c0me d0wn kp lahx. shit dem. cant c we s0 bz arhx. stil c0mplain sae ii din smile. wtf?? smile wat?? smile t0 e cl0thes?? damn. break tym cant even eat pr0perly. had t0 cut sh0rt 0ur break n serve all th0se STUPID IDIOT IRRITATIN F*** NO-MIND-OF-THEIR-OWN DE CUSTOMERS!

dun understand th0se ppl. ppl take wat dey c wat. den dey s0 CUTE siax, 1 design ken c dunn0 h0w many tymx. ii f0ld bac dey take again n put d0wn. f0ld again dey take again. F**K. n s0me dun understand english. tell dem e price s0 many tymx, e sign put dere s0 big, still kip ask. lyk ii`ll lie t0 eu lidat?? w0rk n w0rk n w0rk. im al0ne servin all e cust0mers in SK n IP. d0minic n chee kian was at e cashier. well, ii did n0 serving. dunn0 h0w t0 serve. stand in e middle c g0t ppl sh0plift nt, den e cust0mers will appr0ach mie aut0matically. hahax.

tml g0nna w0rk lyk hell again. cant wait ferr thur t0 0ff. my legs g0nna break s0on..... =X

Monday, December 18, 2006

durin my exams had been keepin granny c0mpany. hahax. evri0ne praised im s0 guai, l0lx. bhb ii n0e =P fri after my last paper went t0 tm wif granny, sis, uncle n babyy`rik0! wahahaax. we went t0 eat. den ii br0ught her t0 e-z0ne. g0d, she`s damn playful. clingin 0nt0 e machine wen we wanna went 0ff. had t0 pull her away frm it. den g0 uncle hse. was s0 tired dat ii slept. but babyy`rik0 dun all0w mie! she kips c0min int0 e r0om n disturb mie! 1st she pull e wh0le b0x 0f tissue 0ut 0n e fl0or n drag it. den later she wanna climb e chair. nxt she turn e chair r0und n r0und. makin mie awake. fed up wif her. but she`s cute =) nyte tym mit up wif c0usins n relatives g0 eat. celeb aunt`s bdae.. s0 xin teng wen baby finished w0rk s0 late n s0 hungry. br0ught f0od t0 his hse. wen he`s 0n e bus he was s0 tired n asleep dat wen ii kalled him he din even picked up! *hart pain*

sat, my dae wif d0do n juan instead 0f darlinx. kekex. PS him g0 0ut wif dem. hahax. went far east den bugis. at bugis saw c0usins dey all. hahax. juan finally saw babyy`rik0. but she suay, rik0 wasnt feelin gd m0od. s0 she jux wun smile n0 matter h0w ii played wif her. hahax. e gers b0ught their stuffs t0dae, n ii b0ught my new b0ots =) its e cheapest n m0st c0mfy 0ne 0ut 0f all e b0ots ii`ve b0ught, n its pretty! ken make int0 3 different kind 0f styles. l0ve it! cant wait t0 wear it, but g0nna leave it ferr new yr.. after e gers left ii mit darlinx, alan, wen ba0, ke0ng n michelle. den g0 play billiard. th0u n0e michelle frm last tym, but n0w seems lyk nth t0 t0k t0 her. hahax. she`s e 0ne kip t0kin t0 mie. but she`s still nice.. =) finally ii`ve g0t a c0mpani0n wen ii g0 0ut wif dem. kekex.

t0dae went t0 darlinx w0rkplace wait ferr him t0 finish w0rk. den we went marina sq watch m0vie `erag0n`. thumbs up! tink dere`s g0nna b a part 2 c0min up! kekex. been enj0yin myself e past few daex. g0nna buy darlinx`s xmas present s0on! im g0in br0ke. faster gimme my pay! hahax. but im guai, savin ferr japan. s0 n0 m0re cl0thes, access0ries 0r wateva n0w! except ferr new yr cl0thes =PpP

Thursday, December 14, 2006

finally, im left wif e last paper, 0pen b0ok test. kinda crap, but ii lyk dis kind 0f test =) nt lyk im n0t g0in t0 studi, im still insistin t0 mem0rise e f0rmula later as it saves tym t0 flip n flip thru e b0ok s0 thick lahx. its 0nli a 1 hr paper. h0w much tym t0 waste flippin pages??

anyway, after ytd t0rture 0f mem0risin tw0 subs in 0ne nyte, its finalli 0ver. damn dat bl0ody MBS n e teacher! wat a GOOD revisi0n lecture yeahx?? made us studi all e tings eu c0vered. end up?? all th0se dat werent c0vered came 0ut. WTF?? was crappin all e way thru0ut e paper if eu asked mie. write crap. hahax. fun??

sick hasnt rec0vered. y?? l0ved hubby s0 much. he 0wayyx help mie g0 t0 places t0 buy e tings dat ii wan =) appreciate e eff0rt al0t babyy, mmuackkx! verlyn l0ve ya~~ =P

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

my sickness s0rt 0f rec0vered ytd. but guess wat?? tink it g0ne w0rst t0dae.. haix. c0ughin n c0ughin. well, a gr8 dae ytd spent at h0me.. m0rnin after my ec0ns test ii acc granny g0 market buy f0od. im a gd ger ryte?? th0u market stinks but ii lyk t0 acc granny after e h0spital ting. wanna spend m0re tym wif her..

reached h0me n babyy`rik0 came my hse. played wif her. g0d, she`s gettin m0re n m0re fun! hahax. n0e y?? ii was h0ldin a cup 0f ice-cream n she`s standin 0n e s0fa walkin arnd. s0 ii tell her, `rik0, sit n yi yi gib eu mum mum.` n she reali sit! she sits d0wn facin mie wif e bac 0f e seat besides her. s0 ii tell her, `rik0, sit pr0perly n lean 0n e chair` n0e wat she d0?? her head lie 0n e bac 0f e s0fa n she lay dere smilin t0 mie. cawaii nehx! she`s sl0wly learnin e tings we taught her. ii carried her n put her in e right p0siti0n 0n e s0fa. wen she`s impr0perly sittin d0wn, ii tell her t0 sit n lean. den v0ila! she did it c0rrectly. clever ger indeed~ =)

intended t0 studi. end up watchin `bleach`. its sumting lyk narut0 s0 ii lyk it! hahax. cant st0pped watchin lahx. babyy came my hse eat t0o after his w0rk. n guess wat?? he t0ld mie a gd news! acheri its tw0. firstly, he asked his in-charge if he ken 0ff 0n xmas dae n new yr dae, n his in-charge sae he ken request f0r 0ff! damn happi. kekex. c0s ii`ve planned ferr dis tw0 maj0r daex c0min up!.......... e 0ther news- nxt yr im g0in 0n a h0lidae wif his family n mayb s0me 0f his frenx! YEAHX! n guess wher`re we g0in??? JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! g0d, my fav c0untry! h0pe its reali happenin. if nt ii`ll b damn disapp0inted. n0w ii mux save m0ney ferr my air-tickets n buyin 0f my stuffs dere. e rest lyk l0dgin n f0od n transp0rt dere?? his mum sae she`ll pay ferr mie! thanks auntie! =)

Monday, December 11, 2006

sch`s s0 near, n ii`ve t0 take cabby t0 sch?? well, w0ke up late wen ii had my test at 9am. 8.45am ii leave hse urgently. s0 had t0 take cabby. acc0unts test sux! last min ferg0t evriting. haix. prayed ferr jux a Pass.

im still SICK! damn bl0ody runnin n0se n s0re thr0at. v0ice cant b pr0jected. tink ii g0nna l0se my v0ice s0on?? giddyness pls st0p pesterin mie! keep feelin sleepy alth0u ii kept sleepin in e n0on.. g0nna bec0me a sleepin beauty s0on.. hahax. mayb sleepin ugly lahx =X

g0nna c a d0c s0on ii tink. h0pe ii fall real sick 0n thur den n0 nid take OB n MBS TEST! =X im mad..

mishin my b0ii lately. tink due t0 him w0rkin n mie havin exams. hardly get t0 t0k t0 him. s0bs =(

Sunday, December 10, 2006

declared sick... wen my exams start tml! g0d, d0 ii nida MC??

Friday, December 08, 2006

im tired.. damn tired.. tired as in physically n mentally. physically mentally meant dat ii`ve n0t slept enuff each dae. 5hrs 0f slp evridae. chi0ngin my tut0rials n evriting. spendin tym wif my darlinx as n wen ii ken.. mentally as in BEIN ANGRY WIF DIS FAMILY!

dunn0 wat e f*ck is happenin t0 dis family. dun wish t0 get inv0lved in aniting anim0re. m ii in e wr0ng t0 request dat sis n james dun slp t0gether durin e weekdays? m ii WRONG??? feel lyk askin eu, y in e w0rld wil eu asked mie `Y?` wen ii request dat?? WHY??? she`s 0nli a 15yr 0ld ger[underage!] n eu let her slp wif her bf side by side?? even all0w her t0 g0 hk wif him n stay at her hse? its nt a matter 0f "im feelin unfair c0s im n0t given e same treatment even th0u im 0lder" OKAEX??? its a matter 0f her bein y0ung n might get cheated in terms 0f aniting! s0 wat if james is 26 yrs 0ld?? MEN R STIL MEN MIND EU!

dem slpin t0gether 0n e mattress wen dere`s such a big bed f0r sis t0 slp 0n e bed! shldnt eu b 0pposing all dis?? n dey`re bl0ckin my way 0ut wen im in a hurry t0 sch evri m0rnin. dey slept lyk pigs n n0 matter h0w ii KICKED DEM dey wun even wake up! m ii in e wr0ng t0 request such a simple ting??

wen ii request t0 g0 0n a h0l nxt yr, eu all0wed, BUT eu asked mie t0 save my 0wn m0ney. WTH IS DIS?? sis ken g0 hk wif e sp0nsors 0f eu n ii HAV TO USE MY OWN MONEY???!!!!! g0d.. WAT E HELL IS HAPPENIN?? Y DO MY MUM BECOMES SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FRM OTHER MUM????

im really tired. ACCOUNTS IS KILLIN MIE, MBS IS SENDIN MIE TO HELL. . . cant seems t0 get e facts ryte wif dese 2 subs. but tanks charlie f0r teachin mie acc0unts. made mie understand better. g0 take a nap..

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

nth much t0 bl0g abt. jux n0rmal lifestyle. anyway, bad news jux n0w wen ii went t0 S&K. well, tml ii wun b at tm derx. instead ii`ll b bac at suntec. s0bs. nida rush t0 w0rk after pr0j again. sianx. mit up wif yiqi n huili ferr e past 2 daex. ytd eat dinner wif dem.

t0dae mit dem up t0 buy e presents f0r d0do. we b0ught her bel0ved strap! tink she`ll b veh happi if she saw it. wanna buy e earrin she saw. but it ended up t0 b meant f0r b0dy piercing wan lahx. hahax. s0 we went t0 c e skull necklace she saw e 0ther tym. OUT OF STOCK! sianx. but b0ught an0ther wan 0so nice nice derx =)

den we mit up juan 0n bus. headed 0ff t0 d0do`s hse. planned evriting wif her family. her granny damn cute lahx. lucky we asked her sis sms her. if nt we dunn0 she`ll b bac s0 s0on. was damn excited abt e plans. afterall im e 0verall 0rganiser! hate t0 c my plans fail c0s ii planned it s0 hard n wasted l0tsa sms n kalls t0 gather evri0ne n get tings d0ne 0kaex..

BooOoO! d0do was bac n we managed t0 sh0cked her by hidin in her granny`s r0om den jumped 0ut. her sis lied t0 her sae black0ut. d0do cried! cried wif tears 0f happiness! kekex. 0ur plan is a success! th0u dere`s 0nly a few 0f us. but we enj0yed 0urselves thru e pr0cesses. ate e cake, n watched e vide0 dat we rec0rded wif e help 0f her sis, us saein w0rds t0 her, n take pics!

yahx, felt a sense 0f achievement. n im s0 happi. 1st tym planned a surprise party lahx. th0u abit 0f l0oph0les, but ended up gleefully. d0do, l0ve eu yeahx?? rmb dat. hahax. dun w0rriex wz wun angry wan. hahax. glad eu LOVED E STRAP! heng eu din b0ught it. acheri intend buy e bag ferr eu dat eu saw. last min changes in plans s0 n0 tym g0 buy. after mid-sem ii`ll plan an 0uting again. take it dat we all celeb 0nce m0re f0r ur bdae kaex?? neva g0 0ut h0w ken ryte?? =P ii n0e eu l0ve us al0t! wahahahx. shy shy. but glad t0 c eu smile. c eu s0 stressed 0ver e past few daex. dun w0rriex abt mid-sem. its 0nli a test! im w0rried myself th0u. l0lx. faster 0ver den faster ken plae~~ shall miss ya ferr 1week+. dun miss mie t0o much.. l0lx. =PpP huggiex!

peeps, nxt fri`s my last paper. th0se wh0 wanna mit up pls sms mie e date yeahx? s0rriex c0s ii nida planned my schedule in advance. ziting if eu saw dis sms mie kaex? wanna mit up wif eu 0ne dae. l0ng din c eu lerx =) nu-er!!!!!!! hahax. 7dwarfs+evilqueen ii`ll planned n let all 0f eu n0e. my p0lymates. n a ktv-in sessi0n!

Monday, December 04, 2006

gr8 dae 0ut 0n sat.. din managed t0 mit up wif mummy dey all. n din managed t0 catch a m0vie. went t0 ntg instead at nyte. darlinx played mahj0ng while ii watched him play. was s0 sleepy by 12+am dat ii slept 0n darlinx sh0ulder. went t0 sit 0n e s0fa, den e d0g jumped 0nt0 mie! sh0cked mie till ii screamed. darlinx frenx all luffed at mie =X

sun went t0 bugis juncti0n relief as winnie was sick. fun w0rkin dere. in-charge was nice =) n e ppl treated mie veh gd. nu-er saw mie n acc mie g0 eat my lunch. t0k t0 celest 0n e f0ne after w0rk ferr quite l0ng. mish her.. pity ger.. wanna transfer bac tamp 0so ken0t. wed ii`ll b w0rkin at tamp. ppl c0me find mie! kekex. c0me pei mie eat dinner. will b w0rkin 2/C. sianx..

mid-sem tests c0min up. after dat will b w0rkin n w0rkin. pr0j n pr0j. wanna buy m0re 0nline cl0thes! ii wan m0ney $$$$!!! h0pe tml will b sm0oth. h0pe dat stupid fren 0f mine wun make mie angry! c0s ii reali feel lyk sc0ldin him 0ff n rem0ve his name away in e pr0j!

Friday, December 01, 2006

为何你总是让我失望呢？
心好痛，好想就这样放手。
也许当初我们就不适合。
胡思乱想，这滋味你知道吗？
回想到过去。。有得重新再接受一切。
为什么？？？
为什么我们之间一定要有这一切？
为什么你要让我承受这一切？
好不公平，真的好不公平。
你根本无法了解我的感受。。

花了这么长的时间，现在又回到原点。。
这是一场考验吗？
还是一场游戏？
无法分辨是真是假。。
我已没有力气继须下去。。
希望这一次是最后一次。。
希望我能克服一切。。
但觉得好难。。好难。。。

had been l0okin f0rward t0 t0dae`s 0uting. but.. DISAPPOINTED is wat ii ken sae. made e eff0rt t0 plan evriting in advance. evri0ne said yes, ken, n0 pr0blem. end up?? dere is s0me0ne wh0 din c0me wif us n went wif 0thers. n dere is s0me0ne hu 0so went t0 e 0thers` side after dat. n s0me0ne hu left wif bf. wat happened t0 wat ii`ve planned?? WASTED.. waste 0f sms, waste 0f tym.. mayb ii shld hav cancelled evriting if ii n0e dis will b e 0utc0me. . .

left mie n d0do. s0 we went t0 bugis but 0nly eat n sh0p awhile. den ii hav t0 rush bac tamp mit mama dey all. end up dey sae ken0t g0 temple =X well, played wif babyy`rik0. wahahax. made her luff till she gives 0ut th0se sharp laughter. l0lx. s0 cute! she`s gettin better n better at walking lerx. walk ar0und evriwher n bl0ckin 0ther ppl`s way. l0lx.

h0pe tml will be a w0nderful dae 0ut wif darlinx.. den after g0 mit mama dey all awhile. =)