Monday, June 19, 2006

last nyte... ii sae th0se w0rds tuh him.. w0nder wats wr0ng wif mie n wats iin mua mind??? wanna find sum0ne tuh t0k tuh.. but its 3+am.. d0reen, k0on, yiqi, shujuan, celestine, shwee, ziting, tingting, ivan, sebest, n s0me 0thers ii dun wanna menti0n.. eu guys p0p up iin mua head at dat veh m0ment.. but sumh0w, ii dun bear tuh disturb eu guys frm urr dreamland. s0rriex guys. n 4+am, ii cried muaself tuh slp.

w0ke up cryin again. had a bad nytemare which prevents mie frm slpin. n ii was al0ne iin mua r0om. n0 0ne at h0me. kalled mum n tel her abt e dream ii had. haix. used e c0m.. watch tv, den 1+pm ii was seri0usly t0o tired n mua dad n grandma had return h0me. sh0 ii slp til 3+pm. kalled b0ii n we`re 0kaex after dat. mit up wif him n went tuh bugis. went tuh G2ooo n ii b0ught mua f0rmal wear. t0tal black! =X acheri wanna buy purple derx. but it d0esnt reali g0 well wif black. n ii luk nicer in black. hahax.

babyy b0ii ishx sick n0w.. haix, fever, runnin n0se, c0ugh, s0re thr0at n headache.. iim s0rriex darlinx, ii hurt eu again.. l0ve eu t0o muchh. but sumtymx, feel lyk lettin g0, c0s 0f e tingx eu ign0re, e w0rds eu sae. haix. tankx ferr n0rt lettin mie g0 sh0 easily n0w. e m0ment wen eu hug mie tytely iin urr arms, ii feel iim e luckiest ger iin e universe, xie xie ni ba0beix. eu brighten up mua life.

til 2dae.. den ii realised, ii failed as a fren. reali, deeply fail tuh b a fren tuh ppl hu nid mie. evritym ii sae ii wil b dere ferr dem, but sumh0w, ii din even n0e wen dey r cryin, l0nely, breakin d0wn n evriting. ii reali fail.

ii n0e s0rriex d0esnt mean aniting, but iim stil s0rriex.

ii guess, ii hurt eu deeply, makin eu sh0 damn disapp0inted iin mie.

w0rds r hurtin ii admit, mayb, we r reali n0rt dat b0nded as last tym.

iim s0rriex ii din share urr happiness wif eu.

ii dunn0 y, mayb urr w0rds hav a great impact 0n mie bahx.

ii th0t.. but iim wr0ng wif evriting..

but eu dunn0, h0w muchh eu meant tuh mie...

din t0k tuh eu, n0rt bc0s ii dun kare, din ask urr bl0g url, 0so d0esnt mean ii dun kare. ii n0e eu`ve changed it l0ng ag0, but ii jux dun dare tuh ask frm eu 0r t0k tuh eu eva since dat c0nversati0n ii had wif eu. mayb dis ishx a wr0ng m0ve byy mie, ii shld hav dumped evriting aside n asked frm eu. haix. tried tuh ask frm renes. but ii tink ii`ve appr0ached e wr0ng pers0n. c0s she 0so dun even n0e aniting, dun even n0e eu`ve changed urr url. haix. but, ii s0rt 0f cant believe eu sae iim e same as her. n0w den ii n0e, tuh eu, iim dis kind 0f fren. haix. but since wen did ii n0e new frenx n dumped e 0ld 0nes? ii reali dunn0 wat makes eu feel dat wae. renes ii n0e she n0w 0wayyx g0 0ut wif her p0ly frenx. but ii din even g0 0ut wif mua new frenx. haix. iishx dis kalled e same? tuh eu?? iim s0rriex if ii hurt eu wif wat ii sae. tuh mie, frenx dun hav tuh 0wayyx c0ntact 0r g0 0ut 0r aniting. if dey reali mean aniting tuh eu, even wen eu bumped iintuh each 0ther 0n e streets dere r stil c0untless tingx tuh t0k abt, tuh share. n0 0ne ken 0wayyx b dere ferr 0thers all e tym. its imp0ssible. ii 0so nid sum0ne dere ferr mie wen ii nid it, but hu ishx dere? n0ne. but even if dis ishx sh0, ii stil feel eu guys kare n eu guys r true frenx tuh mie. jux lyk h0w eu r tuh mie. ii dun deny aniting wen ppl fails tuh b dere ferr mie wen iim d0wn. evri0ne has their life, ii cant expect t0o muchh frm dem. a simple sms 0r f0ne kall 0r aniting ii ken sensed urr c0ncern, n dats enuff. dere r frenx hu 0nli shares happiness, n dere r 0so frenx hu shares 0nli s0rrows. y mux frenx b b0th?? ii reali feel lyk cryin, after readin urr bl0g. din wanna wryte all dese, but ii had tuh let eu n0e h0w ii feel. ii dunn0 if dis p0st wil c0sts 0ur frenship. but if it reali d0es, den r we c0unted as frenx thru thick n thin?? ii`ve b0thered eu t0o muchh iin e past, wif all mua stuffs. dats e reas0n y n0w, ii dun wanna b0ther eu wif all dese. n0rt dat ii dun kare, but ii dun bear tuh c eu havin sh0 mani w0rriex. its 0ready t0o muchh ferr eu tuh handle relati0nships n family pr0bs, wil ii stil wanna tel eu mua pr0bs? ii rather ii kip it inside 0f mie den let b0th 0f us b0ther wif all dese. yi ge ren nan sh0u ha0 gu0 liang ge ren. iim happi tuh c dat eu w0rriex sh0 muchh ferr mie frm urr p0sts, but at e same tym, ii feel sh0 guilty tuh caused sh0 muchh w0rriex iin eu. d0 eu reali understand y ii did tingx dis wae?? urr stil sh0 dearly tuh mie.. ii dun wish aniting tuh affect us, n0rt all dese. c0s ii believe dat nth ken st0p 0ur frenship. eu 0wayyx stand an impt place iin mie....

frenx, if ii reali fail tuh b byy ur side wen eu nid sum0ne, 0r fail tuh b a fren, iim deeply deeply s0rriex abt it..

aijie.. dun w0rriex t0o muchh. glad eu t0ld mie th0se tingx. but, reali, if tingx were meant tuh b lidat, dere`s n0 pt ferr eu tuh b upset n fr0wnin 0ver it lerx. smile, enj0y but at e same tym, take extra kare 0f urself t0o. aniting tel mie kaex? mishh eu ger.. *huggiex*

yiqi.. stay happi kaex? wanna c urr smile =)

w0nderin y tears hav been fl0odin mua face dese few daex....?