Sunday, August 21, 2005

ba0beix was at m0ii hse jux n0w.. he came t0 take his b0oks.. den slack arnd.. after dat he acc mie n tricia g0 bed0k return c0mic.. eat lerx den he went back h0me..

well.. dunn0 wats wr0ng wif mie.. n0rt t0 0thers.. but 0nli t0 bibix den ii will lidat.. ii seems t0 zai hu him sh0 muchh.. dat a small mistake byy him ken make mie fed up.. ii dun wanna b lidat.. but ii reali cant help it.. ii dunn0 h0w t0 tell him dat iim n0rt angryy.. reali neva angryy.. 0nli dun feel lyk t0kin weneva ii had a change 0f m0od.. ii dunn0 h0w t0 let him n0e dat ii will angryy wif him 0ften ishx c0s ii mind t0o muchh ferr him.. iim l0st weneva ii c e smile disappear frm his face.. ii t0ld m0iiself.. tryy t0 t0k t0 him.. let him n0e iim n0rt angryy.. but evritym.. ii fail t0 d0 dat.. n bibix will assume dat iim angryy n kip askin mie wat he did wr0ng.. haix.. iim s0rriex.. reali wanna tell him.. iim veri veri s0rriex.. he t0ld mie b4.. dat ii will 0nli thr0w temper at him.. vent m0ii anger 0n him.. n gib him attitude.. ii feel hurt after hearin wat he sae.. but ii admit iim at wr0ng.. veri at wr0ng.. ken sum0ne tell mie y iim actin dis wae? y m ii 0nli hurtin him?? y did ii make him cryy? iim scared.. reali veri scared.. dere`s a feelin iinside 0f mie.. n ii n0e dat if ii dun change.. ii might l0se him 4eva.. ii dun wish dat t0 happen.. reali dun wish.. ii n0e its been hard 0n him t0 t0lerate all dis.. but bibix evritym 0nli will sae.. `nvm.. its n0rt urr fault.. dun blame urrself..` ii feel sh0 guilty.. c0s ii n0e he`s tryyin n0rt t0 let mie feel sh0 bad.. ii realised ii reali dun pei bibix.. he t0o gd ferr mie lerx.. he gib iin m0re den he receive.. ii dun wan him t0 take all dis.. reali dun wan... n iim startin t0 w0nderr.. d0 ii reali l0ve him? ii realised m0ii l0ve ferr him ishx lesser den e l0ve he had ferr mie.. n e feelin has s0rt 0f faded abit.. iim n0rt sure if it reali has faded.. but ii guess sh0.. 0nli abit.. haix.. iim tryyin t0 m0ve 0n.. frm m0ii 0wn past n his past.. ii find m0iiself suff0catin 0ften frm dese 2 tingx.. ii tried t0 refrain m0iiself frm tinkin abt aniting.. but h0w l0ng ken ii kip tinkin lidat? iim scared dat ba0beix might left mie.. jux lyk t0dae wen ii had a dream dat he left mie ferr m0ii c0usin.. ii w0ke up nearlyy iin tears.. iim sh0 l0st n m0ii mind jux went wild.. ii n0e he ishx fed up dat ii dun trust him enuff.. but.. hist0ry has it dere.. n iim afraid hist0ry might repeat again.. ii 0so wanna carri 0n all dese freely.. but iim tied between e 2pasts.. n 0nli ii ken free m0iiself frm it.. ii dunn0 h0w t0 handle dis.. reali dunn0.. dui bu qi darlinx.. but e pr0mise made 0n 2o.o8.o5 might b br0ken byy mie sumdae.. ii n0e ii pr0mise u lerx.. but ii dunn0 if ii still hav e c0urage n determinati0n t0 carri 0n.. it hurts mie t0 c u hurt.. esp byy mie.. m0iiself.. ii hate m0iiself.. reali hate mie t0 r c0re.. y cant ii d0 tingx ferr u? y izzit 0wayx u hu gib iin t0 mie n sacrifice ferr mie? but all ii ken d0 ishx t0 cause misery iin u.. ii feel lyk such a failure.. ii th0t ii ken b gd.. ii wanna brin u e happiness dat u deserve.. but ii fail t0 d0 sh0.. iim cryyin inside.. ken ani0ne hear dat??

sadness has 0verwhelmed mua harrt.. iim n0 l0ngerr str0ng..