Saturday, July 16, 2005

had been sick ferr 2daex.. yest n t0dae nvrr g0 t0 sch.. haix.. ba0beix was sick t0o? yahx.. he has been havin flu n s0re thr0at ferr e past few daex.. yest ii sick.. but still went 0ut? hmMmx.. n0 ch0ice.. had t0 help ivan g0 buy sumting.. mit ba0beix.. den went t0 plaza sing.. was feelin sh0 tired.. c0s 0f e med.. s0rriex ba0beix t0 let euu w0rriex lerx.. but iim 0kaex.. jux n0 energy 0nli.. den we cant find e tingy.. sh0 went t0 bugis.. arnd 5+pm ba0beix send mie h0me l0rx..

t0dae arhx.. wake up wh0le b0di damn pain.. den m0ii head was damn giddy.. feel sh0 restless.. n c0ld n h0t? hmMmx.. tink t0dae ishx w0rse den yest.. haix.. went t0 listenin.. e listenin start lerx but we still haven g0t e paper??? yahx.. e invigilat0r was damn blur.. after awhile den he g0t e papers n start gibin us.. after listenin ba0beix was 0utside waitin ferr mie.. den tricia came t0 find mie.. went t0 A1 t0 buy bubble tea.. den g0 eat.. dun hav e appetite.. but ba0beix kip wan mie eat abit.. in e end ii still cant finish e rice.. haix.. read d0do bl0g.. realised mani tingx had happened.. went t0 read k0on bl0g t0o.. haix.. all these stuffs happened c0s 0f mie?? guess iim e mastermind 0f all bahx..

d0do.. well.. tink wen u n0e abt it u g0ne b0nkers? haix.. dis pr0b d0esnt lies btw k0on n jas.. it lies btw mie n jas.. c0s afterall.. y wld k0on d0 all dese? she did all dese ishx c0s 0f mie.. ii hav been tellin herr abt e pr0bs dat lies btw ii n wz.. n ii hav been quarrelin wif him ferr e past few daex.. guess u n0e frm m0ii past updates.. ii nvrr tell u wat ishx inside 0f mie.. c0s ii n0e u will 0nli sae ishx ii tink t0o muchhh.. but ii reali ken0t take it.. facin jas n all dat.. their past has cast a shad0w iin miie.. n ii jux find it hard t0 walk 0ut 0f e shad0w.. u n0e wat iim referin t0.. she ken sh0w 0ut herr feelinx dat she dun lyk mie.. dat she ishx av0idin mie.. but ii cant sh0w 0ut m0ii feelinx.. if ii sh0w 0ut.. wat will u b feelin? it will b hard ferr u.. t0 b trapped btw e tw0 0f us.. she ken d0 tingx dat she lyk n dun kare abt h0w u wil b feelin.. but ii cant.. ii hav t0 c0nsider urr feelinx.. n abt jas lukin at wz.. it ishx n0t k0on hu sae it.. ishx mie.. c0s ii hav been feelin dat she still kips lukin at him durin recess.. u may sae mayb she ishx lukin at 0thers.. but hu else wld she luk at in e directi0n 0f wz.. kian hwee? imp0ssible.. mayb ishx ii wr0ng herr.. but iim a gerr.. ii ken sense e tingx dat ishx happenin arnd mie.. n e wae she av0id mie ishx t0o ming xian.. y shld she still av0id mie wen she has 0ready m0ve 0n wif herr life n hav f0und an0ther guy? dere ishx n0 nid ferr her t0 av0id mie n0w.. instead.. mayb ishx mie hu find it hard t0 face herr.. frm wat she ishx d0in.. ii still feel she still lyk wz.. mayb u will sae afterall ishx 1yr derx relati0nship.. but if she still lyk him.. den y still accept j0seph? ishx j0seph 0nli a replacement? ii feel dat jas d0esnt deserve all e tingx j0seph has d0ne ferr her.. its unfair t0 him.. t0 b kept iin e dark.. ii dunn0 k0on went t0 t0k t0 j0seph.. but ii tink she 0so feels dat it ishx unfair t0 him.. as ferr y dun tell jas straightawae.. u n0e herr pattern.. she will deny till e end.. dere r mani tingx inside mie dat ii feel lyk tellin herr frm last tym.. but ii nvrr did c0s ii n0e u will b angry wif mie.. 0r mayb hate mie ferr ehh verx.. but ii tink n0w ii cant dun sae all e tingx inside mie.. s0rriex ferr evriting.. but ii jux ken0t take it lerx.. u may hate k0on ferr all dis.. but ii ken tell u dat she ishx n0t e type 0f pers0n u tink she ishx.. mayb u all hav misunderst0od a gd fren as an enemy lerx bahx.. u dunn0 dat e past few daex she has trusted in u.. ii ch0se t0 walk awae 0n u.. c0s its imp0ssible dat she ishx e 0ne hu left.. c0s bsides grace.. hu ken she tag al0ng? ii was strugglin t0 make a decisi0n btw lettin u g0 0r wz.. iif ii let g0 0f u.. ii wun hav t0 face jas.. n ii wld b able t0 m0ve 0ut frm e shad0w dat ishx inside 0f mie.. if ii let g0 0f wz.. den ii ken face jas m0re easily.. but after mani daex 0f tinkin.. ii let g0 0f u.. n k0on ishx e 0ne hu tell mie dat u will understand wat y ii did dis derx.. iim s0rriex ferr e sudden decisi0n made.. ii had th0t 0f lettin g0 0f wz.. but ii n0e ii will regret m0ii decisi0n.. he ishx a great guy.. he has nvr failed t0 takairex 0f mie n b dere ferr mie.. but all ii did ferr him ishx t0 let him suffer n make him cry.. either decisi0n made will cause hurt in 0ne 0f u.. but e hurt will b greater in him.. h0pe u understand.. haix.. neva th0t dat ii will let u feel dat ii hav k0on den dun nid u lerx.. read urr bl0g den realised all e tingx ii did hav make u feel lidat.. urr e 0ne hu shares all m0ii j0ys.. n listen t0 all e naggins n angers.. e 0ne hu cryys wif mie in sch wen u c mie cryy.. n mish ge0g less0n.. e 0ne hu still luffs n j0kes wif mie even after all e pr0bs dat lies btw us.. k0on ishx e 0ne hu shares m0ii sadness n tears.. hu gimme advice 0n wat path t0 take.. t0 help mie straighten m0ii th0ts wen ii cant tink clearly.. b0th 0f u r as impt t0 mie.. b0th 0f u stand a place in m0ii hart.. mayb wat k0on sae dat u dun understand mie.. t0 u ishx abit unfair.. c0s ii neva tell u m0ii feelinx.. haix.. n iim s0rriex dat c0s 0f m0ii ting ii hav make u iin a m0re trapped p0siti0n btw mie n jas.. felt sh0 hurt wen u sae ii wun understand e hesitati0n u hav faced in all dis.. haix.. ii may n0t understand.. but at least ii feel dat ii hav tried t0 n0t let u get sh0 trapped btw e tw0 0f us.. iim s0rriex ferr 0wayx kipin tingx t0 m0iiself n n0t tellin ani0ne.. but all ppl n0e iim lidat.. iim n0t e kind 0f pers0n hu will g0 n tell ppl abt m0ii feelinx.. weneva ii cant take it.. ii jux cry.. n ii will b 0kaex after dat.. ii dun wan u all t0 w0rriex ferr mie.. ii n0e all 0f u has urr 0wn pr0bs t0 face.. sh0 ii dun wanna b0ther u all wif m0ii pr0bs again.. but ii guess wat ii did ishx all wr0ng.. dats y it will result t0 n0w derx situati0n.. haix.. after u read all dis.. its urr decisi0n t0 hate mie 0r 4gib mie.. iim 0so veri tired 0f all dis tingx.. ii jux h0pe t0 carry 0n wif m0ii life peacefully.. with0ut havin t0 cry 0r tink sh0 muchhh..

k0on.. s0rriex t0 drag u int0 dis mess wif mie.. urr helpin mie 0nli.. u feel unfair ferr mie.. but in e end.. 0thers blame u ferr e tingx u hav d0ne.. tank kew ferr 0wayx b 0n m0ii side all e while.. n listen t0 e pr0bs ii hav been facin all dis while.. with0ut urr enc0uragement n supp0rt.. ii dunn0 h0w l0ng ii ken carry 0n.. but even wen d0do n jas sae u till lidat.. u still nvrr blame mie ferr all dis.. iim sh0 glad urr 0wayx dere ferr mie.. tank kew.. n ii tank kew 0n behalf 0f urr k0rr.. c0s u 0so help him al0t al0t.. d0do nvrr bully mie.. reali.. frm e start she nvrr did.. mayb c0s 0f all dis u feel unfair ferr mie.. but ii nvrr did blame herr.. sh0 dun blame herr t0o kaex.. iim s0rriex dat e w0rds ii sae hurt u.. but dere ishx a peri0d 0f tym wen u 0so hav urr 0wn pr0bs.. dats y ii dun dare b0ther u wif mine.. wateva u sae t0 d0do ishx wat ii feel lyk tellin herr.. u t0ld herr all e tingx ii hav been feelinx.. tankx al0t.. but ii h0pe u tw0 wun quarrel again.. c0s afterall lyk wat ii sae.. all dis started c0s 0f mie.. ii dun wish t0 c e b0th 0f u bcum lidat. ii n0e b0th 0f u kare ferr mie.. n iim glad t0 hav b0th 0f u wif mie all dese while.. sh0 dun quarel lerx.. n all dis ishx jas n verlyn.. n0t k0on n d0do.. understand?

n dis ishx ferr u.. jaslyn.. ii n0e u had been readin m0ii bl0g all dis while.. sh0 ii guess if ii wryte here mayb u will get t0 c dis.. ii feel lyk sc0ldin u.. reali feel lyk sc0ldin u till u wake up frm e past.. u nvrr n0e dat all e tingx u did will hav a c0nsequence 0n 0ther ppl life.. u may b pretti.. but sh0 wat? mayb dat ishx e 0nli ting abt u dat ishx gd bahx.. but n0 matter h0w pretti urr.. u will still gr0w 0ld sumdae.. sh0 wats e p0int.. frm e past.. u d0 tingx as u wish n nvrr c0nsiderr e feelinx 0f 0thers.. even e ppl cl0se t0 u.. ii reali wish t0 n0e.. wat ishx a fren t0 u? wat ishx ha0 jie mei? ii tink u dunn0 e ans bahx.. c0s u nvrr treat e ppl arnd u as frenx.. even d0do.. wh0m u c0nsiderr as ha0 jie mei.. wasnt a fren t0 u.. frm wat ii c.. ii reali feel unfair ferr d0do... wen u hav stead.. u jux cast herr aside.. wen u hav pr0bs.. den u find herr.. wen u hav n0 0ne wif u.. u den tink abt lukin ferr herr.. wat ishx she t0 u?? a spare tyre? u ken nvrr deny all dis.. c0s mani ppl knew h0w u treated herr.. wen u were wif wz dat tym.. weneva she ask u 0ut.. u sae u g0in 0ut wif wz.. but e truth ishx.. u nvrr wanna spent tym wif urr `frenx`... weneva u hav e tym.. u will put it all 0n urr stead.. hav u eva tink h0w wld d0do feel? n0 u didnt.. u nvrr did tink abt e tingx dat u hav d0ne.. u nvrr fan xing urr behavi0ur.. d0do ishx a veri gd fren.. n ii dun tink u deserve all e tingx she had d0ne ferr u.. she feel used by u.. but did she sae 0ut? n0 she didnt.. she has tingx inside herr dat she dun lyk abt u.. but did she mind? n0 she didnt.. urr lucky t0 hav herr as urr fren.. but u dunn0 h0w t0 appreciate herr.. wat kind 0f fren r u? haix.. all e while.. u tink dat u hav mani frenx.. but if u reali tink abt it.. d0 u reali hav mani? bsides d0do.. hu ken u c0nfide int0? ii dun admit ii hav mani s0ul-mates.. but at least ii n0e dat n0 matter wat ting ii g0 thru.. m0ii real sistax ishx 0wayx dere ferr mie.. m0ii classmates n frenx will 0wayx b dere ferr mie.. ivan, hawwei will 0so b dere.. n m0ii 0utside frenx will 0so b dere ferr mie.. but hav u? ii n0e u dun lyk mie.. but ii reali wish t0 n0e.. y u still c0me n read m0ii bl0g? u sae u dun lyk mie.. den m0ii pers0nal life has n0thin t0 d0 wif u.. dun act lyk as if u kare ferr mie.. c0s ii n0e u dun.. wat urr d0in n0w makes mie feel dat u c0me n read m0ii bl0g ishx c0s u wanna c if ii n wz g0t quarrel n0t.. 0r wat we hav been d0in.. but all dis has n0thin t0 d0 wif u.. u hav urr 0wn life.. ii hav mine.. ii h0pe u dun c0me n destr0y it.. frm e wae urr av0idin mie.. u dunn0 h0w muchhh silent pressure u hav been gibin mie n d0do.. h0w ken u 0wayx d0 tingx with0ut tinkin ferr 0thers? d0 u n0e urr selfish? u sae k0on hart ishx black.. but ii tink urs ishx n0 betta aniwhere.. u n0e urr 0wn character.. ii dun hav t0 sae all e tingx 0ut.. at first.. ii th0t urr n0t a bad pers0n.. but ii nvrr th0t dat urr th0se kind 0f ppl.. it was sh0ckin.. c0s urr appearance hav cheated evri0ne.. urr n0t e inn0cent type dat urr appearance sh0ws.. dere r m0re iin u.. ii dun admit iim a nice pers0n.. evri0ne has bad p0ints.. but ii tink urr pathetic.. c0s u dun seem t0 hav mani gd p0ints.. at least weneva m0ii fren nid mie.. ii ken b dere ferr dem.. ii ken sacrifice m0ii tym t0 buy f0od ferr dem late in e nyte.. but ask urrself.. wat hav u d0ne ferr urr fren? u 0nli make d0do w0rriex ferr u by th0se rubbish such as wanna jump 0ff e bulidin.. bsides all dis.. wat hav u reali d0ne? haix.. ii ke lian d0do.. feel sh0 unfair ferr herr.. n ii ke lian u.. sh0 mani ppl iin e sch dun lyk u.. but u d0esnt n0e abt it.. if u still dun change.. haix.. u will find dat wen u gr0w up u will hav n0 frenx arnd u.. urr n0t weak ii believe.. its 0nli urr appearance dat makes ppl tink urr weak.. urr appearance hav bluff sh0 mani ppl.. but mayb 0nli e guys.. n0t e gerrx.. c0s e gerrx n0e h0w t0 c hu ishx gd n hu ishx bad.. sumtymx u sae 0ther ppl.. but hav u eva tink dat urr 0so lidat? u sae k0on ishx cunnin.. but arent u 0so lidat? th0u ii dunn0 hu ishx j0seph.. n dere ishx 0so n0 nid ferr mie t0 n0e.. ii still ke lian him.. ii pity him.. t0 b kept iin e dark.. frm wat ii c ii n0e he ishx a nice guy.. but ii dun tink u suit him.. urr f0rtunate t0 hav f0und a great guy.. but if u dunn0 h0w t0 cherish him.. hist0ry will repeat.. jux lyk u n wz.. c0s s0oner 0r later.. he will get t0 c e true side 0f u.. n d0 u tink he ken take it? n0 ii dun tink sh0.. ii tink he will find it hard t0 believe.. iin a relati0nship its n0t e am0unt 0f happi tymx dat make a c0uple en ai.. u all may b happi 2gether.. but wen sumting happen.. e relati0nship will t0ppled d0wn.. its e am0unt 0f understandin n acceptness dat make a relati0nship last.. mayb urr happi dat ii n wz quarrel.. but ii ken tell u.. iim 0so glad dat we quarrel.. c0s all dese quarrel lemme n0e h0w muchhh he hav put iin e relati0nship.. n make mie understand him m0re.. a swit n happi relati0nship d0esnt 0wayx mean a lastin relati0nship.. c0s usualli it ken0t withstand e pressure n ups n d0wns in life.. if dere isnt aniting dat j0seph dunn0 abt.. den y wld u get sh0 w0rk up n g0 c0nfr0nt k0on? ii guess dere r sumtingx u hav hide frm him.. ii n0e wat.. but ii dun wanna sae.. dats y urr xing xu.. urr afraid dat k0on wil tel j0seph tingx dat u dun dare t0 let him n0e.. if dis ishx e case.. ii ken tell u b0th 0f u wun last.. n.. all dis d0esnt c0ncern wz.. sh0 u dun anih0w g0 blame him 0r wat.. he wasnt inv0lved in all dis.. he neva sae aniting.. n ii cant believe urr mind ishx stil sh0 childish.. wateva urr tinkin makes mie feel u hasnt gr0wn up.. aHh lian?? hahax.. rubbish.. n0bodi has sae urr 0ne.. ishx u 0wnself wanna act as 0ne.. wats e p0int? 0nli stupid ppl will wanna b an aHh lian.. t0 make ppl feel dey r big 0nli wat.. n sm0kin d0esnt mean urr lian.. n0ein h0w t0 plae arcade games 0so n0t aHh lian wat.. wat century ishx dis? still pri sch arhx?? 0nli pri sch kids will wanna g0 arcade lahx.. ppl 0ur age g0 arcade kall aHh lian?? hahax.. dun make mie luff.. n u sae u did try t0kin t0 mie.. but ii dun c urr eff0rts in tryin t0 t0k t0 mie.. acheri.. u neva did.. since wen did u t0k t0 mie? 0r izzit mie hu has an ear pr0b? dun tell lies abt tingx u neva d0.. if u reali did t0k t0 mie.. ii will reply u back.. c0s iim n0t e kind 0f ppl hu will make m0ii 0wn frenx feel awkward bein stucked btw 2ppl..

haix.. wryte sh0 muchh.. head g0in t0 bl0w up.. n0 energy t0 tink abt all dis.. sh0 late 0ready.. g0nna slp.. haix.. mish m0ii ba0beix sh0 muchhh~ l0ve him l0ads